We appreciate your understanding and support so far and we want to ask you to bear with us as we go towards a new direction.
The Art of Change is a book about Change. Nothing stays the same. The inevitable force of life.
The protagonists of the book changed not only in their personal lives and in their careers, but in their personal views of themselves.
For us, this is the most important change.
We are two authors in one, always embracing Change.
Change means to go with the flow, to stay in the moment, to try something new, be risky, adventurous, shift gears, and much more.
It is not impossible to try to change, it is a mind shift.
We are sharing with you how we think we will handle change this year.
What is self-orientation? It is the manner in which we love, care for, and respect ourselves, others and our relationships. If you are concerned with the needs of others more than your own then you are more of an “others” self-oriented person.
If you have a “self” self-orientation, you tend to be more preoccupied with your own needs, while ignoring the wants and desires of the others.
We will try to balance these two self-orientations to best understand the world around us and ourselves.
This duality in self-orientation exists not only in individuals and in relationships but also in businesses, politics, and countries all over the world.
So changing by balancing our choices between this duality is, for us, this year.
May you all be Happy and Healthy in 2015 with good changes among each and every one of you!
If you can start your day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then you are probably,
Telia, the Fashion Victim, I cannot live without!
The Pumpkins grow on every single continent on this earth (except for Antarctica)
People all over the world use pumpkins in traditional dishes dating back hundreds, and in some cases, thousands of years. This can’t be a coincidence, and of course, it is not, because pumpkins contain incredibly rich supplies of health-promoting and disease-fighting bioavailable carotenoids, as well as many other very valuable nutrients.
This Thanksgiving, we say “Thank Goodness for Pumpkins”.
Celebrate with us and drink your pumpkin nutrients for a super satisfying breakfast, or as a lusciously nutritious dessert
“Thank Goodness for Pumpkins” Creamy Thanksgiving Smoothie
2 cups raw pumpkin, peeled and cut in chunks
2 medium sized green apples, peeled and quartered
1 ½ cups non-gmo organic almond milk ( or any other vegan milk of your choice)
a handful of ice (pure spring water)
¼ tsp ginger
½ tsp pure vanilla extract
1 tbsp of freshly squeezed lime or lemon
pinch of Himalayan salt
2 tbsp organic ground cinnamon
1. Blend all ingredients, except for the cinnamon, in a blender until creamy and smooth.
2. Stir in 1 tbsp of ground cinnamon per glass and enjoy immediately.
Makes about 4 cups or 2 tall glasses
Recipe from: NOTJUSTOLIVEOIL.COM
I went to a seminar where I was reminded that, we humans, have three major parts in our brain. The forebrain, the midbrain and the hindbrain.
The forebrain which is associated with higher brain functions such as thought and action problem-solving, thinking and feeling, also controls voluntary movement.
The middle brain is the one that is associated with posture balance and deals with issues of control and conformity, like belonging to a herd. The “shoulds and the should nots” reside, here together with pretense, manners and socially accepted behavior.
The hindbrain is the oldest part of the brain, the simplest part of the brain, the animalistic brain where hunger, breathing and other automatic functions reside. Here, exists the urge to do something inadvisable, like violence and fighting.
We were reminded that most people spend their lives using the hind and middle brain rather than the forebrain, which is responsible for conscious thought and decision making.
We were told to “love our problems” because they are giving us a lesson to learn, allowing us to move on to the next level of our personal development. We were also told that we should embrace our problems and not confront them. If we embrace our problem we are putting ourselves in a position to solve them.
Ok? And to solve them, we can do so, by using the dialectic triangle of thesis – antithesis – synthesis.
I came home and I was intrigued with solving one of my many problems.
Namely, how do I embrace the problem of non-communication with my spouse/mother/ kid/relatives/friends?
“Loneliness does not come from having no one around you but from not being able to communicate the things that are important to you,” said Carl Jung.
Isn’t good communication the single most important element that constitutes a healthy relationship? Resentment and anger starts when one feels that he or she is disrespected because they are being ignored, not heard, ergo, uncared.
Children zoning out in front of a laptop, husbands in front of TV screens, teens not even lifting their eyes from texting on their cell, isn’t that something we all have experienced time and again? Wallowing in your problem of non-communication with the ones you want to share your life with will create an ever-growing problem of hopelessness, exhaustion, frustration and anger, my forebrain signals.
What am I doing wrong and they do not listen? Maybe this is the solution says my forebrain: Listen with your heart and from your heart and not with your logic!
The most important thing we can give anyone is our attention. Care about what they are saying even if you do not understand it. Not a very easy thing to do I agree, especially when you are the only one who will be making the effort. But that’s assuming the other party is willing to talk.
What if no one is doing the talking and the space is filled with only trivial conversation, orders, complaints and big silences in between?
The need for a therapist becomes apparent, as you do not want to harbor any of those toxic feelings that arise from being treated with this neglect and abuse. And you want to see a professional since the help of kind friends and family might not be enough or fair.
But why bother? Now I use my midbrain. My father was like that, all kids act like that, my mother told me this is what people do, and just go along and find something that makes you happy. Why don’t I leave it as is and keep ignoring and/or accepting this non-communicative behavior? Pretend it ain’t necessarily so bad!
Why bring in professionals? After all, nothing is perfect in life and since we have the luxury of being healthy and have some material comforts, why bother?
Now I am using the hindbrain. Am I abused? Is he beating me up? Am I hungry because of this?
Yikes, this is not me, screams my forebrain.
I bother to clean my house, to eat properly, to exercise, to be healthy. This is because I want quality in my life. This is who I am! And this issue also applies to the quality of my life… not to accept toxins as something being normal.
Poisonous energies, like the fear of talking back, or the jealousy that others do not have these kind of issues and then the judgmental anger that is inevitable, should not be tolerated dictates my decision making front brain. If you tolerate these poisons, you promote holding on to the traditional road of pain. Are you choosing pain and suffering like everyone else does these days, as you do not want to create more issues than necessary? Are you choosing peace love and joy by claiming them?
Do you deserve joy? Midbrain stay away!
I am not scared to shatter the status quo I am scared of the injury it does to my soul, my tacit acceptance of suffering!
If you fear the consequences of opening your mouth, then you should be ready to accept that keeping your problem in, not communicating it, you will not only make you grow bitter and angry, but eventually will get you sick.
Stop the inner chatter and out with it. Thank you forebrain!
We say things to ourselves, that we would never say to others because we do not want to break the “equilibrium” that we have co-created, by not communicating with each other.
My forebrain signals to take action and not because I seek perfectionism, as it is an endless chase of external validation. The only validation we need is to satisfy our inner voice that we will not disrespect ourselves. Thank you forebrain. I made my decision. No more toxic relationships!
Toxic people should be kept at a safe distance because their very sense of self is dependent of making you feel guilty and making you less than what you really are.
“I must thank the problem,” my inner voice says. Thank you, for prompting me to act in a different manner so the silent desperation of non-communicating with the ones I care will stop.
I will take a different approach. One that will stop contributing to this harmful perpetuity. I will not suffer any more because I have forgotten to respect who I am.
I was not born to suffer or to create suffering. I was not born to swallow things I can not digest. I have forgotten that healing applies to me as well.
Use your left part of the brain where your memory resides Kelly, and then use the right part of your brain where fantasy and inspiration are situated and cohabitate with your emotions. The synthesis of the two parts of your brain will produce the solution of who you choose to be. Problem solved.
Thank you problem.
Remember justice? A cardinal virtue?
Can you be just to yourself?
I am not going to ask you if you love yourself because we all do, to a degree, whether we admit it or not. I am asking if you consciously practice justice towards yourself.
Being just to one’s self is difficult. We can apply it to the rest of the world, but most of us do not practice it on ourselves. How can this be so difficult, since most of us were conditioned by our social environment to apply justice to everything?
The motivation to do what is right was acquired early in our moral education. The idea is that if built into a soul that soul might become, eventually, perfectly just. The built-in justice principled people can be relied upon to do what is right, Socrates believed.
This is the nicest thing we can do for ourselves. So, how is it that we are unjust to ourselves?
The revelation that I was not paying justice to myself came to me late in life.
And this is my next question.
What is the nicest thing you ever did for yourself?
You might ask on what level, on what aspect of my complicated life?
On a physical level? Mental? Emotional? Spiritual?
On a physical level, the answer is easy for most of us. The nicest thing you ever did to yourself could be perhaps to start walking every day. Being just to yourself, and not to the needs of others, you may have decided to move out of a city and live in the countryside.
Something has changed for the better, if this was the nicest thing you did to yourself on a physical level.
On a mental level, perhaps you have realized that in this lifetime you have no tolerance for stupid people, or educated people, or realized that you cannot challenge your mother-in-law’s behavior because it is set in the Stone Age… Simply be just to yourself, avoid those people and any possible nasty confrontations with them.
On an emotional level, you may have accepted the fact that you dislike misers, complainers or angry people, so you are practicing justice to yourself and avoid such situations whenever possible.
On a spiritual level, what was the nicest thing you have done for yourself? What have you done for your soul? For its own good, not by doing good for others, or participating in charities or going to church, or helping others. What I mean by “soul level” is to go deep within ourselves, to be true there where the soul resides.
The awareness of who we are. Being aware of what our soul is, we rise above the blocks. To be united with your real self is to pay justice to yourself. It will set you free and you will feel lighter.
How do you do that? Start, I guess, by setting aside the time to work on this. Realizing that we are all spiritual beings, having a human experience.
The conditions of our life do not make us who we really are. Awakening to the wisdom of our soul and living from that place of love for justice, this is what our aim should be.
Your unconditional, loving acceptance of your soul is so difficult to achieve, I know. Be just to yourself and try to connect with it. I am in the process of still trying.
One way to feel good about ourselves again is to nourish and give to ourselves what we want to receive. Hello? Not a difficult concept to conceive, I am sure…
Since we try to treat everyone with kindness, compassion and fairness why don’t we do that to ourselves?
Most of us consider self-pampering a luxury; a narcissistic thing we do not deserve! Many of us have been raised to think we haven’t worked hard enough to earn it. Ha!
The “shoulds” and the “should-nots” that are superimposed on us can indeed destroy us, if they do not come from us, if they are not our own desires.
How many times do we all think that we will pamper ourselves when:
“I should be taking care of others first.”
“I don’t really need whatever I think I need.”
“I don’t deserve to give myself this or that.”
“I should be doing something productive.”
We should prioritize ourselves! In order to have the strength to help others, we need to first help ourselves. Taking care of yourself has nothing to do with merit, but with your own necessities, whether they are physical or psychological. You don’t deserve to be pampered because you have earned it any more than a baby deserves to be taken care of. You do not take care of a baby because it was a good baby, you do it simply because a baby cannot take care of itself.
Taking good care of ourselves is the most efficient way to be productive and maybe make us feel less stress to do things we detest to do. Giving ourselves what we need when we need it is it called Pampering.
Do we need to unwind? Let’s plan to do so. Do we need our peace and quiet? Let’s make the necessary arrangements for this to happen, even for a short while. Do we need someone to listen to us? Reach out to our friends and loved ones who are not negative. But primarily: Listen to OURSELVES!
Listen and follow the inner voice of ours that is always in our head. This will make us feel better. The better we feel the more we can live the life we want to live.
We can not do anything well if we are feeling depleted — you cannot conquer your inner-demons with a fragile and exhausted mind. The most effective people are those who are loved, either by themselves and by others. So please, let’s all take a deep breath and start doing the necessary step to pamper ourselves and treat ourselves with kindness and compassion while knowing that we deserve all good things in life.
Summertime and the livin’ is easy
Fish are jumpin’ and the cotton is high
Oh, your daddy’s rich and your ma is good-lookin’
So hush, little baby; don’t you cry
I love the song but it’s misleading and I fall for it every year.
In April or May we gather with friends to discuss vacation plans, bathing suits, diet resolutions for a beach body that has yet to reveal itself to me.
We drink wine and laugh about the good times we’ll have and the places we’ll see. We paint a glossy magazine picture of our vacation and by June we’re daydreaming and humming tunes.
Vacation time rolls around and we do find ourselves on sandy beaches with turquoise waters licking the shore and inviting us in. Our children swim, snorkel, play while we gaze out into the open sea. We lazily check our handheld once in a while to make sure the world hasn’t forgotten us.
During these decadent afternoons of dolce far niente (basically doing nothing and enjoying it in Italian) we find… time. Time that we didn’t have during the winter as we drove from meeting to school to home to game to art class. We find time to discuss life, to sit with our partner and reminisce, to overview our life’s path. We find ourselves talking about the good times had and good times missed. We compare the past to the present and divulge our inner thoughts about the future. Free time is sneaky.
Before we know it, we may have uttered ugly truths without being able to hide behind excuses of being stressed from work and, literally, without being able to hide. Nobody is expecting us to be somewhere in 10 minutes, the dishes are done and the laptop is off. It’s us, the beach and the truth.
Did we make the right choices? Can we imagine ourselves in the same place for the next 40 years?
I wonder what my husband thinks of me as he looks behind his sunglasses? He can’t possibly see the same person he met 20 years ago.
Well, yeah, I snapped at him and I’ve aged but I have children to show for, hours of work, stress. The heck with him if he doesn’t see the carefree 25-year old I once was! I’ll show him when I start boot camp in September!
He’s one to criticize! Depressed and always worried about money – we can’t catch a moment’s break without his huffing. This isn’t what I signed up for either!
Did he just look at that girl with the cute bikini that passed by? Well, of course she looks good, she doesn’t have to run around like a crazy person picking up other people’s underwear except her own.
Yeah, I am a little freaky when I stress out and I yell too, but… well, there is no but. It’s who I am and they need to learn to live with it. I could try to calm myself once in a while and stop being so critical.
Am I as huge as that lady? Dear Lord, I hope not! Maybe I’ll order a margarita?
My friends, you don’t fool me as you lounge under your umbrella with a smile and a cocktail glass. Be honest with me: isn’t winter a little easier even if more tiring and deceptive? Isn’t it better to think of where to park your car rather than where you’ve parked your life? Aren’t the small questions less difficult than the larger one?